Jehovah's Witnesses and Shunning Family Values

Jehovah’s Witnesses and Shunning Family Values

A mom refuses to go to her own son’s wedding.

A dad is dying alone because his children haven’t spoken to him in 13 years.

An aunt is forbidden from seeing or contacting her nieces and nephews.

A wife leaves her marriage because she feels ‘in spiritual danger’ – not physical – spiritual.

Sound familiar?

My mother in law called for the first time in months. She wanted to know if my son needed anything. Clothes? Toys? I paused and I said, ‘Um, yeah, he needs a real grandmother, a real grandfather, can you give him that? He deserves nothing less. Get on a plane, jump in a car, come and see this beautiful child. For the love of God, be a real grandmother, can you do that?’ Sure. When we go back to the Kingdom Hall then she can love her only son, then she can love me, then she can show love to her only grandchild. Those are the conditions. Take it or leave it. You see, for the past 3 years, my in laws have shunned me, my husband and by extension, our son. My father in law is an elder, the presiding overseer of the congregation. He’s too holy to call about his only grandchild. Much too busy knocking on doors, giving talks or sermons and building kingdom halls to call or write, let alone visit. They must have a good reason, right? We must be serial killers. Or maybe we’re Satan worshipers making animal sacrifices in the back yard. No my friend, our big crime is we no longer believe that Jehovah’s Witnesses have ‘The Truth’, as they like to call their beliefs. It took me years of doubts to leave. (More about that later) But we still love them, no matter how awful we’re treated, our love remains.

Most people are shocked when I tell them Jehovah’s Witnesses shun. They are so appalled; they want nothing to do with the JW religion. They didn’t know those sweet, smiling, people that knock on their door, can be that cruel. Let me break it down for you. This is a religion that welcomes you with open arms but if you dare question the belief system, you will be thrown out like trash. Every friend you’ve ever known and any family you have will shun you. What does that mean? It means you’ll be cut off. It means they won’t talk to you. It means, some won’t make eye contact with you. It means they won’t respond to emails or phone calls. It means you won’t be invited to weddings. It means they won’t eat with you. It means you can’t visit your parents, siblings, cousins and so forth. It means you can drop dead, and too bad for you, you’re no longer one of them. They call it loving discipline that leads to repentance. I call it cold, judgmental, self righteous and pure evil. For example, Robert and Janet Bryant and their 4 children fled California after being shunned by Jehovah’s Witness family and friends for years. Robert killed himself and his entire family. A ‘loving’ elder was quoted as saying, “Mr. Bryant was expelled from the congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses for conduct that was not in harmony with Bible principles, and chose to move his family from the area away from friends and family.” Okay, would that be the same family and friends that shunned him? Did losing his family, friends and the only support system he knew drive Robert to murder/suicide? There are similar cases. It’s a matter of public record. Look it up for yourself. Read em’ and weep.

I had an elder tell me that disfellowshipping is like a death – but the person is still alive! He said to cut the sinner off like a rotten limb. Yeah, I can feel the love, can’t you? I can tell you from personal experience, when your own mother won’t talk to you unless it’s what they call ‘necessary emergency or business contact’ it is rejection in the cruelest sense of the word. The Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses staunchly advocates this shunning policy. They are delusional at best or evil to the core at worst. They are a handful of old men in suits that determine the doctrine of Jehovah’s Witnesses by vote. What they say is law. Jesus doesn’t get a vote and neither do you. Families are torn apart, lives are destroyed but hey, as long as they remain in control. Do they care about the anguish? The psychological trauma inflicted? The wreckage of families destroyed? I knew so many good people in the congregation who didn’t believe certain JW beliefs but they were too afraid to say anything. Why? Because they didn’t want to lose their family! I understand. I feel their pain. I’ve lived it. I truly believe that if the Governing Body had the heart to stop the shunning, half the JWs would stop going and be true to who they really are. The fear would be gone. Their family and friends would remain in their lives. Now, I was never formally disfellowshiped and neither was my husband, yet we’re still shunned. The irony is, the shunning has had the opposite desired effect on us. The unloving behavior on the part of Jehovah’s Witnesses, including our so called family, has only confirmed to us that we did the right thing by leaving the religion in the first place.

This isn’t a ‘Let’s bash Jehovah’s Witnesses’ blog. There are individual JW’s that I will always love, even if they don’t love me back. I pray for JWs. I feel sorry for them. Not in a condescending way. In the sense that they are so blind to what really matters. They are brainwashed and I think, a group to be pitied. Other religions - like Mormons, The Amish, Scientologists – all have similar shunning policies as JWs. This blog is for everyone being shunned. I’m here to tell you. You are loved. You are worth it. You are valuable. You are not alone. Weather you still believe or not, God loves you. You will survive this pain and come out better, stronger. The Governing Body asks - If you leave us, where will you go? - Sounds like an abusive husband to his wife. You can go to Jesus, like I have. Or you can live life on your own terms. Pursue your dreams; go for the education or the career that the JWs discouraged. Go out with that ‘worldly’ man or woman who may answer the loneliness and be your life’s companion. Travel, meet new people, make real friends, true friends who will never leave you, take up a hobby, volunteer with a charity to help people in your community, get involved in politics, change the world for the better. You have gifts and talents, use them! Rise up and reclaim your life. You will not self destruct. Don’t give the Governing Body the satisfaction of going off the deep end. Don’t mess your life up with drugs, sex, crime, whatever. You are better than that. You are not alone. Millions of us left the religion and we’ve survived and thrived. I’ve never been happier since I left the JWs. It took me a while to get there. (More on how later) Give yourself time to heal. On the other side of the pain – there is life and all the joys and beauty you deserve. Don’t let anyone, even a JW, tell you different.

Love and Peace, Jo